It takes time ... lots of time

Nobody ever said it would be easy.

Actually, that's not true.  People say it's easy all the time.  They are wrong.  Wrong, wrong, wrong.  Boy, are they wrong.

I've had a LOT of conversations over the last year about time and choices, and every time I have another one, I think, "I should blog about this."  In fact, I started this particular blog entry in March :)  (yet another illustration of the time I don't have)

Anyway, I don't know if you're like I am or not, but as much as walking has been "easy" (relatively speaking); it's also been really hard in terms of time.  As an example, I generally read about 100 books a year, give or take a few.  Last year, my Goodreads "2012 read" tag told me I read a grand total of 16 books.  And most all of them were "assigned" reading -- that is, they were for one of the book clubs I'm in.  Now that I think about it, I'm not sure that I read a single book of my own choosing last year.... But I digress.  My point is that losing weight or getting healthy or even just choosing to exercise in general has taken a LOT of time.  Let's look at my (not comprehensive) bulletted TIME list:

• Less time for book reading
• More dirty dishes on the counter more of the time.  I think I've mentioned this before, but I swear our dishwasher was never empty this last year.  It was always full of clean dishes that I only unloaded when the counter was so full I was forced to make the swap.
• Lots of calendar-juggling for showers.  This sounds funny, but was seriously a problem for a while.  Historically, I prefer to work out first thing in the morning, shower, and then get on with my day.  In a perfect, Pinterest-worthy life, that's certainly what I'd do.  But that's not the real world.  At least, not in my life, anyway.  And so "needing to take a shower" because reason #985 why I didn't work out.  IN THE PAST.  Now I shower when I can.  If I have time for a shower but not for my hair, I wear a hat.  Being healthy is more important and that is (starting) to come first.  I'm rather proud of this, even though it's inconvenient and I'm not that cute.  (Pro tip:  being 70 pounds smaller makes it less imperative to be in cute clothes and have my hair done.  Skinny people go out in sweats or sweats-equivalents all the time, and still manage to look cute too.)
• Working out creates additional laundry and/or laundry scenarios.  So if you work out more, guess what?  You either need more workout clothes, or to do laundry more often.  And if you buy anything other than cotton sweats and t-shirts, you don't want to dry your workout clothes.  So you have clothes on the clothes horse and/or wear clothes with wet waistbands or whatever.  Either way, laundry matters in this new lifestyle.

  

  More evidence of the passing of time:
  I cut this up! No more big girl stores!

  
  

• Closet maintentance.  I now find myself spending inordinate and heretofore-unprecedented amounts of time finding something to wear (that won't fall off), culling clothes for either the consignment shop or Goodwill or a friend, and shopping for new regular and workout clothes that aren't too expensive but will serve the purpose for now as this isn't the final size I'll be.  Seriously, it's exhausting, and I'm not even one of those clotheshorsey girls!

There's more, but I don't want to read long blog entries any more than you do.  The point is that it's not easy, and it does take more time.  Actually, that's not my point.  My point is this:  it's worth it.  It's really, really worth it.  REALLY!  I feel better, I look better, my husband smiles more, I smile more, .... seriously, it feels so so good to have lost 70 pounds.  And even though I have more to go, the "how good it feels" is providing the motivation now.  So yay!

If you want to read additional, professional comments on "time,"  I copied and pasted the text below from a recent SparkPeople article.  I thought it was pretty good reading, actually:

Sometimes you have to make sacrifices in one area (like TV time) to make room for another (like a trip to the gym). It's hard at first, but you get used to it. Really! Eventually, your desire to be fit and healthy will outweigh your desire to be a couch potato! Where can you cut back in order to make time for exercise?
1. Financial Fit Tip: Plan for the big stuff. When you go on vacation, you don't just wake up one morning and decide to shell out thousands of dollars for last-minute flights and hotels, and you don't leave your co-workers unprepared for your absence. You plan. Planning your big expenditures ahead of time will save you serious dough. Whether it's a car, a vacation, or a home remodeling project, sock away money each month in an account set aside for that specific splurge. A couple hundred dollars set aside over the course of a year has much less impact than a couple of thousand does at the last minute.

Apply it to Physical Fitness: Just like you wouldn't go on a vacation at the last minute, you wouldn't wake up one morning and decide to run a marathon, either. If you're new to the exercise arena, take it slow when it comes to working out, and work up to greater challenges. You're more likely to avoid injuries and burnout if you ease into exercise. If distance running is your goal, find an online training plan that will help you build up gradually to your desired race length. If you want to do 20 push-ups or lose 100 pounds, start with five and go from there.

Apply it to Physical Fitness: Many people feel that working out isn't worth their time if they can't get to a gym for a solid hour. But it's time to rethink that mentality! According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, exercising for 10 minutes at a time still counts toward your weekly goal of 150 minutes of activity. So take that short walk to the post office, or climb the stairs at work instead of taking the elevator. The little things do matter and add up to something bigger!

When you are 100 lbs overweight, the weight comes off ... quickly (relatively speaking)

When you're ... oh, 30 pounds or so overweight, not so much.  For anyone keeping track, I hit the -60 "decade" on January 5.  Monday was May 6.  4 months to the almost-day.  For the last 4 months, it seemed as if I'd never hit that -70!  Sure, for a time I was all, "I made it through Christmas and travel and all that stuff and kept losing.  I'm a stud."  And then I walked a little less because you know, January in Colorado.  And then February.  And then March.  And I did use the stationary bike in the basement, and I did walk when it was sunny (which it was, because you know, January in Colorado), but the scale wasn't moving.  Or rather, it was, but it just kept floating between 185, 183, 184, 182.5, back up to 186, 184, 182 ... you get the picture.  And I was a little discouraged, but not too.  I just thought it was taking an awful dang long time.

And then I went on the women's retreat for our church and when I got home, I had shot right through that plateau and landed at 178 (-72)!  You can guess my response.  HOLY FREAKING NO WAY COW ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  And then my second response?  Dang.  I wanted a pic of "you are down 70 pounds".  There is nothing "round" about 72.  Nothing equal.  Nothing milestone-y.  *sigh*  I really do have the most ridiculous first world problems, don't I?  Poor thing.

So ... here is the latest 10-pound pic, and all its round faced little friends.

-70

-60

-50

-40

-30

-20

-10

Approx 250 lbs

My most ridiculous (first world) problem yet!

Regular readers know about my whole "non-milestone milestones" concept.  It's basically just the idea of Things that don't fall into the category of round numbers and Big Signs.  I.e., Lost 20 pounds!  Changed a clothing size!  Hit my wedding weight!  Those things are all legitimate milestones, right?  So how do you categorize things like "switched to a new row of hooks on my bra"?  Well, you call it a non-milestone milestone, is what you do.

So, you know about the non-milestone milestones concept, and you should also know  that I've said many times that I realize these "problems" I've come across due to weight loss are truly first world problems.  But this week I sunk to a new low.  I am now complaining about my sleeves.  Yes, sleeves.  I am an embarrassment to society.

I have several tops -- sweaters, sweatshirts, long sleeved t-shirts ... whatever -- that actually still fit.  Or fit now and didn't before, or just look way better now than they ever did before.  So what am I complaining about?  It took me several days in a row of pushing up my falling-down sleeves during dinner prep to figure it out.  Either my arms have actually gotten smaller or these shirts just have big cuffs.  Or something.  Because when I push my sleeves up on these shirts, they don't stay "up"!  Which is kind of a pain when you're washing dishes or stirring chili, or even if you're just warm and want a little less fabric covering your forearms.  If you'd asked me 6 months ago, I'd have said my forearms didn't really carry any fat.  My wrists looked the same to me as they always had, and I wouldn't have thought there was extra weight there.  I was wrong.  And now most of my sleeves are falling down :)  I even have an elastic bracelet that fits differently.  And by "fits", I mean "doesn't cut off my circulation when I wear it".  So yeah, I've lost weight in my forearms.


Lest it sound like all I do is complain, I do have a happy non-milestone milestone to say "Yay!" about:  Boots!  Last year (and honestly, for the 2 or 3 years before that) I attempted to get a cute pair of boots to wear.  I was pinning them on Pinterest, I was ordering them from Zappos (free shipping on returns!), and none of them fit.  I can't even tell you how many pair of boots I ordered -- maybe 15? 20?  All labelled "wide calf", and almost none of them fit.  The few that did actually zip looked awful.  I decided last year, sadly, that I was actually too fat to wear cute boots.  Which was sad in and of itself because let's face it; the last bastion of cute things for fat girls is shoes.

"Clothes never look any good... food just makes me fatter... shoes always fit."

Jennifer Weiner

In Her Shoes

But THIS year, I thought I'd try again.  Why not?  I'm not my parents' most stubborn child for nothing!  So I ordered another 5 pair -- still staying in the "wide calf" genre -- and ... THEY ALL FIT!!!!!  I'm serious!  Every single pair fit me!  After picking myself off the floor and sending pics of them to my fashion squad via group text, I selected some to keep.  So maybe it's not a big round number (like "I'm down 50 pounds!"), but wearing cute boots was one of my fashion heart's desires, and now I can.

Those sleeves totally fell down after this pic

I'm on the left. It's OK to laugh :)

So here's a pic of me in said boots, AND a bonus pic from the summer of 1985 or 1986.  Why?  Because I'm wearing "skinny jeans" with my new boots, and the other pic is the last time I wore "skinny jeans".  Except we only called them "jeans" then (sometimes peg-leg pants).

Changing sizes, changing seasons

I learned a valuable lesson this past week:  don't make fun of women who wear yoga pants, even if it's clear they haven't been doing yoga.  Why?  Because I almost wore yoga pants to the circus.  Why did I almost wear yoga pants to the circus (and more importantly, why did I GO to the circus?)?  I'll tell you.

First snow of 2012:  October 5

Regular readers (and anyone clicking on the history in the sidebar) will be able to figure out that I started losing weight over the summer (23 weeks ago today, in fact, is "how long I've been working at this").  In general, I don't wear long pants during the summer, so you can imagine my concern when we got snow on Friday morning.  Not that the weatherfolk hadn't been predicting it; they were surprisingly accurate about this one.  And just for the record, I LOVE SNOW!  But that's not the point.  So ... I got up that morning, I worked all day (have I mentioned I work from home?  I do.  That might be helpful to know), and then I got in the shower about 25 minutes before I was supposed to leave.  None of this should have been a problem except that when I got out of the shower, I realized there actually was a problem.  I have no pants that fit me for this weather!  Seriously, do I have a single pair of long jeans I can wear?  In about 10 seconds flat I pull on 4 different pair of jeans, none of which fit.  And I'm not just talking a little loose here - I mean full-on I cannot wear them in public!  That is, if I took a step, they'd fall down.  And every one of them could be pulled on and off without the aid of the zipper.  And I don't own any belts that fit me (I own plenty of belts that fit a smaller person).

Yes, yes, I know - file this under #firstworldproblems.

Nonetheless, I still can't go out in public like this!  So here is where "I almost wore yoga pants to the circus" comes in.  My friend Scotty wanted to go to the circus for her birthday.  So to the circus we were going.  Except I had no pants.  I'd already put 4 really cute jeans in the pile for the consignment shop and was seriously considering a pair of yoga pants that I knew were long enough AND wouldn't fall off when I saw a pair of jeans I had taken to NYC at the end of April.  Perhaps these would work?  Well, they were big too (and got more loose as the night went on), but they would work.  I pulled them on, added a baggy sweater, and ran down the stairs.  It's true someone could have easily pantsed me that night, but I learned a valuable lesson.  If yoga pants are all that fits, that might be what you wear out of the house.  And I, for one, shall not mock someone in them at the grocery store again.

Special note:  lest you think I am a clotheshorse loaded with thousands of pairs of jeans, please note that I have jeans in every shape and size of the clothing spectrum (well, every size of the "big girl" spectrum), and I just blew through a whole bunch of jeans I'd only worn once (some not at all!) on my way up to 250 and then back down.  *sigh* 

Hey "Big Girl" stores: It's not you; it's me.

ironic much?

And it has come to pass (or will imminently) that I will be breaking up with Lane Bryant.  Also, the plus sizes at Old Navy, Lands End, and ... oh wait, those are the only places I shop for clothes.  And it occurs to me that I don't know how one goes about saying, "Dear John," to a clothing store :)  Certainly I can select the "unsubscribe" option from their emails (and probably will), but I don't think I'll be quite the typical unsubscriber.  That is, I'm not tired of their emails (well, maybe I am a little bit), nor do I think their customer service is lacking and so have chosen other stores to shop in ....  The fact is that I won't be buying ANY "plus-sized" clothes in the very near future.  Or ever again.

So here's my Open Letter to the Big Girl Stores:

Dear Lane Bryant, et al,

It's not you; it's me.  I started gaining weight when I got married (literally ON MY HONEYMOON), and I never looked back.  Since I was already at the top of both Gap and Limited Express sizes at the time, I didn't know where to turn.  The first day I ever stepped into a Lane Bryant (Woodfield Mall, Schaumburg, IL), I thought I was in heaven.  Really!  Cute, stylish clothes in sizes larger than 12?  Awesome!

There were a few times (especially in the beginning) where I was frustrated with you, sure.  I distinctly remember wailing to very nice sales associates, "there are TALL round girls, too!" -- when all I could find was clothing for short round girls (what's up with that, really?).  But you started carrying talls, and in general you really took care of me.  For about 10 or so years, everything I owned was from Lane Bryant, and I was happy with my clothes.

You did go through that weird business with re-sizing your jeans where I had to find jeans elsewhere (thank you eBay for having a ready stock of 18 and then 20 Talls/Longs from Old Navy and The Gap for the last 6 years), but truly you clothed me in sickness and in health.  You dressed me for Christmas parties, "holiday" parties, for my work in a stuffy financial services firm long before anyone ever heard of "business casual", you dressed me in the 90s (although I did wear some flannel from the men's department at Target), and you dressed me after I was laid off from a 20-year job and needed interview clothes.  You took care of my foundation garments and my pretty lingerie.  You covered awesome earrings (I'll probably keep buying those from you, actually), and kept me from wearing all black.  You had stores in most major cities, and I shopped in many of them.  Really, you were a good friend to me through a lot of years.

But here's the thing:  I've lost 33 pounds and am looking at more.  And although I did recently buy a jean skirt in a size 16, I am pretty much done with you.  I don't need your 18s, I don't need your XXLs, I don't need your 2X, I really don't much need you any more.  Any of you.  And although I was impressed and grateful when I bought 18 Tall jeans from Old Navy and then immediately started getting plus-size (only) emails from you and the same goes for Lands' End and the bathing suit I love that I wore approximately 6 times, the fact is that I really don't need your plus-sized targeted marketing any more.

Now my #firstworldproblem is trying to decide WHICH stores I will be shopping in, going forward!  I honestly don't even know what kind of clothes I like now.  It's a good problem to have, though, and one I will embrace firmly in another 70 lbs or so.

So it's come to this.  I'm really grateful to you for your years of service, and I have loved finding clothes that fit me in your stores and online.  But I don't need you any more.  And I'm not really sorry to say goodbye to you :)  If anyone asks, I still recommend you to anyone who needs you, but I'm not that girl any more.

Best of everything to you, and remind your buyers from time to time that NO ONE wants to see a big girl in horizontal stripes.  And sleeveless things are questionable as well.

Thanks for the clothes,

M

P.S.  to Avenue:  I only ever ordered wide-calf boots from you, and returned every pair.  Stop sending me emails and for Pete's sake, open a store in the state of Colorado.