y'know the whole "tragic flaw" thing?

Don't use this blog entry to do your English Lit homework, kids.  I have no idea if my memory is correct or not!

One of the few things I remember from my lit classes is that the tragic flaw isn't always a wholly bad thing.  That is, it was a good quality or characteristic that "went bad" ... and thus became tragic.

Stubborn Dutch people (incl lil sis), circa 1988?

The other night I emailed my mom, sister, and brothers the stats I posted in my last blog entry, and my mom's reply was, "no surprise when my daughter is dedicated to something."  The light went on in my head that OHMYWORD my tragic flaw has finally been put to good use!

For years, I've been The Most Stubborn Child My Parents Had (I was also The Most Rebellious Child They Had, but that's another story), and my stubbornness has gotten me into more trouble than you can imagine.  My father is from the Dutch province of Friesland, and evidently, Frisian stubbornness is legendary, and I got ALL of my dad's stubbornness.  And then some.

So now I know:  the reason I have been able to stay dedicated and committed for the last year is because I am stubborn.

So really, all the drug companies need to do is to figure out how to make people stubborn and they can make piles of money.

stubborn Dutch people, August 1991

I got a follow-up email from my mom when I said something back to her about how my stubbornness was actually paying off.  I will cherish it forever.  She said, "Do you know that your dad always considered stubbornness (in himself) a positive quality?"  My dad died in 1998, and I did not know that.  And I'm so glad I do :)

Stubborn Dutch people, circa 1992

a whole lotta Stubborn Dutch People, November 1998

Yes, I really did walk a half marathon!

And I'd like to tell you about it :)

Warning:  this entry is long, picture-heavy, and may not be in complete sentences.

about to begin our epic adventure

So ... where to begin?

It was hard.
but not impossible.

Cheering Gramma and the Boyz

We set (and kept) such a good pace that my poor brother-in-law who had planned out all the cheering spots on the route, based on me telling him I did 15-minute miles ... totally missed us (but they were all there yelling at the end!).  I felt horrible that he'd worked so hard to get my mom and 3 squirrelly little boys to those spots on the map and then he felt bad for not meeting us and then Sharon made a good point:  if we were missing our cheerleaders because we were walking at such a fantastic pace, that was a pretty awesome thing.  Also, at least one of the boys thought one of us would win and/or break a record.  Love that.

There was a point at which I thought, "am I going to have to stop?"
and shortly after that I thought, "I'm just going to have to tell Sharon to go on ahead and I'll just finish it much more slowly."
I got a little bit choked up when I realized we were on the final incline into the stadium.
...and shortly after that we were done!

Yes, I'd do it again.
Although maybe not in cold, wet Seattle (but there's something to be said for sea-level).

obligatory fog shot

And in case I didn't make it clear in my "night before the marathon" post, let me be clear:  although my legs will never be shorter, losing all this weight has made a HUGE difference in how I feel about flying.  Seriously.  While not actually "comfortable", my flights to/from Seattle and again at Christmas to/from Vermont were totally new experiences for me.  Flying 50+ pounds lighter is just plain nothing like it was when I was heavy(ier).  Fitting into the seat and not spending the entire flight pushing down the armrest that my fat is pushing up makes the whole flight so pleasant!  And although I never used a seat belt extender, I'm pretty sure I was on the way to needing one.  Thankfully I will never experience that and even though my hips are still pretty wide, they now fit in the standard coach seat just fine, thankyouverymuch.  Amazing. 

Love this pic of my sis and her oldest

There's a picture at my sister's house I've always liked.  It's from when we lived in Turkey, and for some reason my sister (age 5?  6? no older) went jogging with my dad, who was the Chief of Police on base.  The pic was taken by an "official" photographer and I think ended up in the base newspaper or something.  When I saw this one of my sister her and her (oldest son) manchild, I got choked up because it reminded me of that other picture. I love their smiles here, I love that even though she told him to go on ahead without her he stayed with her, and I love the man he's becoming!



And here is my fabulous oldest niece.  Her foot hurt, and she had to slow down, but you'd never know it from this pic.  This is the happy, sunny girl I have known since ... hmmm ... since she was 4 months old at our wedding.  I love this beautiful, smart, funny, thoughtful girl so much!  I'm so, so glad she did this race with us!

And here we are, about to cross the finish line.  I realized later that all the stuff I had in my vest pockets made me look pregnant, but oh well. Those kinds of things don't actually bother me as much anymore.  Funny, that.  Also?  In all the official pictures of the race, my mouth is open.  I may or may not have talked Sharon's ear off.  Whoops.

Here is the whole squad at the end.  I  seriously love this shot. We did it!  We all did it! (sis is wearing a warming blanket -- that question has come up a lot)  See our medals?  They are surprisingly substantial-feeling.  And I wished I'd worn mine on the flight home.  Oh well.  Now I know.







And here are some of our cheerleaders and two of the runners, warming up ... in the warming room.  I have very cute nieces and nephews, no?






If you are considering walking or running a half marathon, I can recommend a great post-marathon routine:

• Go to the evening service at church.
• Try to stay awake.  It's HARD.  I'm not gonna lie.
• Have Chipotle for dinner (seriously, a burrito as big as your head is a GREAT way to begin to fill the huge hole in your gut that won't be satisfied).
• Followed by chocolate chip cookie dough.
• And a pedicure the next day.

chocolate chip cookie dough: post marathon win

• 
  

Or a lemon-basil martini the next.  I recommend all of the above :)

Flying fat

Here's what I'm thinking about today, as I prepare to go to Seattle for the Half Marathon:

THE LAST TIME I FLEW ON A PLANE, I WEIGHED 50 POUNDS MORE!

Followed quickly by my second thought:  what if I'm still too big for the airplane seat?

Ugh.  Why is that even in my head?  Well, it is.  I flew for work for several years (sometimes as much as 3 out of 4 weeks a month), and have always done plenty of flying outside of work as well.  However, after my layoff in 2010, I just really haven't done much flying.  When I DO fly lately, here's what I think about:

• If I get an exit row seat, then the arm rest is immobile and I can just squish into the space between the armrests.
• If I have a regular seat, the armrest moves up to accommodate my fat and I spend the entire flight pushing it back down and smiling apologetically at the person next to me.
• And of course, the biggest fear of all:  will THIS finally be the flight that I have to ask for a seat belt extender?
• If I at least had short legs, I could take up less room that way, but the fact is that I have long legs AND big hips, so basically, airplanes don't like me.

Tomorrow morning, I shall once again board a United Airlines plane ... for the first time since May 1, and ... well ... I hope that there's a noticeable difference in the seating!  Here are two pictures from that last trip - it was a very fun girls' week in NYC that had been planned for a while and then serendipitously fell right after being in Alabama to say goodbye to my grandmother.  That trip was just what I needed, but man, did I have a hard time keeping up with my younger, skinnier friends!  Here we are having our picture taken by a jogger who couldn't believe we were trying to take this shot ourselves.  He was all, "give me that camera, you dumb girls" in a nice and blustery nooyorky kind of way.  The other shot is us at Serendipity, a place known for its frozen hot chocolate and monstrous desserts -- don't bother going for the regular food.  What's funny about these two pictures is that although I'm clearly bigger here, there were LOTS of shots of me looking much bigger, but I deleted most of them.  LOL  Who knew I'd actually want a "huge" shot to show improvement later?  I just wanted to be rid of those ones I thought made me look extra big!  Oh, the irony of deleting a picture that is a true visual representation ...

Other than the plane trip, here is what I'm looking forward to:

• Seeing my sister and her family (4 crazy boys!)
• Seeing my oldest niece, who is flying in from Chicago
• Walking the half marathon with Sharon 
• Cheering on my sis, her oldest, and my niece as they run the half marathon
• Pedicures on Monday

The weather in Seattle this weekend?  I'm not so much looking forward to.  In fact, we might make better time in a boat.  Either way, I'm going to do a Half Marathon on Sunday and earn that "13.1" sticker!

Oh, and here's something great: I prepared (American) Thanksgiving dinner last night because the hubs wanted some leftovers while I'm gone.  And I didn't even gain wait overnight!

Officially Official

It's official.  I've bought a plane ticket and everything.

I'm going to walk the Seattle Half Marathon!

Just so you know, I blame Sharon for this.  And my sister.  But basically, Sharon figured out that I'd been walking plenty and could probably do it, so she convinced me to come visit my sister for Thanksgiving.

So that's what I'm doing.  Or trying to do, anyway.  Here is the training plan I'm following.  Based on when the marathon is (November 25), I'm currently on week 7, which required a lot of discussion with my sister.  The conversation started with, "I've been walking almost 7 days a week since May.  Why would I LOWER the amount of walking I'm doing to prepare to walk the most I've ever walked?" (by the way, I still don't understand this, but I'm following the plan)

So in 7 1/2 weeks, I will be attempting to walk 13.1 miles.  The funny thing is that the day after Sharon contacted me, I spent my whole walk trying to decide if it was 13 miles, or 13 kilometers.  It's miles, in case you were wondering too.

My brother said he didn't think he'd join us, but he'd watch the race on ESPN.  I'm certain they'll be interviewing us.  Full disclosure:  I think my sister isn't even going to walk with me and Sharon (nice, right?) - she and her oldest will be running the half marathon.  Yikes!  Who would want to run 13 miles? (Let alone 26?)

Also funny?  I just typed "marathong".

Wish me luck :)

There's Truth, and then there's Driver's License Truth

In general, I'd guess that most people don't weigh what their driver's license says.  I am no exception to the average person's desire not to put his or her actual weight on that card.  Except ... I don't weigh more than  my license says; I WEIGH LESS!  Yeah, that's a first for sure.  Who EVER says they weigh more than they do?  (maybe wrestlers trying to fight up a class?  or down a class?  or whatever, but certainly no one normal)

I remember getting my very first driver's license.  I was in high school in Germany, and came back to the States for Driver's Ed.  It worked out well because the whole family came over for my oldest brother's wedding ... and then I lived with them (the summer?  a couple months?) while I took Driver's Ed and used my new SIL's car.  If you re-read the preceding sentences, you'll put 2 and 2 together and come up with:  yes, newlyweds let someone live with them IMMEDIATELY AFTER GETTING MARRIED.  Wow, that was nice of them.  I can't even imagine how they felt.  "Hey, how about our first summer of marriage, we have my sister live with us?"  If I'm my generous and long-suffering sister-in-law, I'm all:  "Um.  No."  But she didn't, and I did.  I'm pretty sure I still owe them a thank you card for that.

Anyway, it's possible that on that first (right turns only, no parallel parking requiremed test) North Dakota-issued Driver's License, my weight was correct.  It might have even been correct on the International Driver's License I got in Germany when I turned 16 that September.  But I'm pretty sure those were the last official documents that had the right weight on them.  Oh sure, it might have only been off by 5 or 10 pounds after that, but still; I'm fairly certain I never said my actual weight after that.  Does anyone?  And why does it matter?

Anyway, when I walk by myself, my husband insists that I take ID, so the other day I happened to glance down at my license, and I noticed ... that I passed it 5 pounds ago!  What a joke!  My whole (quasi-grown-up) life, I've been saying I weighed less than I did, and now my license says I weigh 5 pounds more!  Ha.

The thing that makes me go "hmmm ..." the most?  To think back to when when I thought "215" was a good thing to say. 

38 by 46?

There's something about round numbers, isn't there?  To be able to say, "I've lost 35 pounds!" or "I'm exactly 200!" or "I lost 46 pounds by my 46th birthday!"  ... Well, those are all nice things to say, but not one of them is true for me.  Because I'm just that contrary :)

My neighbor really REALLY wanted me to be able to say I'd lost 46 by my 46th birthday, but as it got closer, I realized that probably wasn't going to happen.  She said she'd settle for 40, and honestly?  I kind of thought it would happen.  Well, I sent her a text this morning, asking if she could live with 38.  She said, "totally awesome.  great job." (she doesn't use capitalization in text) And I realized it IS totally awesome, and (as my husband would say), "I AM a good job!"  Ha!  So I'm down 38.  Yes, 38 pounds.  WOO HOO me :)

And I'm posting this picture for today because it makes me laugh and is filled with some rather awesome things:

birthday workout clothes

• Proof I worked out on my birthday.  Yes, I'm that rocksome.
• Yes, it's a bathroom pic ... because ... uh, I can't take a full-body pic without a mirror.
• Washcloth over the shower, things hanging from the doorknob ... yes, these are the things I choose to preserve photographically.
• Also:  crazy staring eyes. What am I looking at?
• Not to mention the claw hand holding my phone.  Sexy.

But mostly:  I worked out on my birthday.  One walk by myself, and then one walk with my mama, who is here visiting.  Followed by the Taste of Denmark almondy baked goodness.  Because pastries for birthday breakfast are good.

I can't wait until I'm down 40, but did I mention I've lost thirty-eight pounds?!

(edited 9/19/12)

Football season is really here!

I've mentioned before that I love football (American.  Actually, I like soccer too.  But right now I'm talking about American football, OK?).  And I really love the Denver Broncos.  And yesterday was our season opener (which we WON!).  It was a fabulous game (except the part where it appeared that the entire Pittsburgh Steelers Offense was actually larger than our Defense, but I digress).

So the great part about yesterday (besides the W) was this:

yes, same shirt!

You might not be able to tell, but in the left-hand shot, I am so fat, I'm actually hot and sweaty.  Not kidding.  The entire family (hubs' side) went up to the mountains for the weekend, and I had fixed breakfast that morning.  It's also the one day I didn't wash my hair (hence the hat).  I needed to take a pic of the shirt so I could send it to my grandmother to thank her for the money for the shirt and show her what I'd bought with her birthday gift.  So to be clear:  the shirt is brand new at that point.  Not washed or dried.  I'm sucking it in as much as I can, and holding the back forward to make the front looser.  Sadly, I could have actually bought a larger size when I purchased it at the Broncos Team Store, but I was with two skinny friends and couldn't bring myself to actually purchase a 4XL.  So instead I went home with a 3XL of a shirt I loved but wouldn't really be able to wear because as soon as I washed it once (in cold, line-dried), it no longer fit.  Vanity, vanity!  All is vanity!  And when my SIL posted pics of this day on Facebook, I'm pretty sure I untagged myself because I looked so awful.  Also, I think even my hand looks fat in that shot.  Whoa.


Time passed and as you might be able to figure out, The Girl Who Cried Skinny periodically lost weight and then gained it back.  So imagine her surprise when in October of 2010, she gets to go to a Bronco game live, AND that shirt fits.  Full disclosure:  it didn't actually fit well; but it fit enough for tailgating, and then was fine under a warmer, bigger Bronco shirt by the time the game started and it got colder out. Notice what's conveniently angled out of that shot - the belleh that the shirt is clinging to, of course.  I'm certainly not sending THAT photo to my husband!

9/27/09

10/23/10

 It's basically a bright orange shirt with a big round face on top of it in all these pictures, isn't it?  *sigh*

9/9/2012

Anyway, yesterday I wore that shirt.  I've run it through the dryer a few times to shrink it up and although it's a little loose, it felt pretty much perfect for yesterday's season opener.


And the pants?  Well, you may recall this entry where I talked about what to do about your clothes when you aren't at goalweight but ... can't go out in public with your clothes falling down, either.  So I took my own advice and went to Walmart (yeah, I'll admit I do that about 3 times a year; don't judge me.  Plus, they have a TON of inexpensive local sports team paraphernalia, so it's really the best place to look for those things).  I told my sister I tried on $7 jeans, $9 jeans, and possibly even a $4 pair.  I ended up with the $14.44 ones.  Her response:  such expensive taste you have!

I don't care - those babies are size 16!  I am seriously and actually out of 20s and 18s.  Totally!  Woo freaking hoo!

ssshhh! I don't think we should talk about that yet!

My brothers (and even my BIL, now that I think about it) like analyzing numbers.  A lot.  One day I posted on Loseit that my neighbor and I had cut a specific walk by a certain number of minutes.  One of them immediately posted that that was a reduction in time of 14%.  The other day I posted that I'd had a short walk in the AM (pregnant neighbor, y'know), and so took my book and went to the gym with hubs for 45 minutes on the stationary bike.  That was 9.59 miles and 72 pages in my book.  I expect one of them will soon analyze number of pages per minute, as well as distance :)

So all this number watching (for them; I haven't) brought one of my brothers to the conclusion that I'll be at 200 lbs by (American) Thanksgiving.  WHAT THE WHAT?!  I'll be honest; I hadn't thought I'd be 200 EVER.  I mean, EVAH.  How sad is it that I've been overweight so long that 200 sounds impossible?  *sigh*

But in fact, the non-pregnant neighbor had said to me a few weeks ago that I'd be under 200 by Christmas.  I just smiled, nodded, and kept walking.

But now I realize that if M2 says I'll be 200 by Thanksgiving; I probably will (he's supah-smart!).  And that is not only shocking, but exciting.  And mind-boggling.  And ... whoa.  He said he's planning a virtual 200# celebration :)  Like he'll go for a 200 minute walk or something.  Which sounds kind of fun, now that I think about it!  Maybe I will too.

I keep referring back to things I couldn't do 2 weeks ago or 2 months ago (and definitely not 2 years ago), and my progress has become my motivation.  I'm still not really aiming for 200, per se, but it actually is in my sights now that I'm down 33 pounds.  The thing is I've pretty much just been logging all my intake and outgo.  And if I was focused on anything, it was each "10".  Which means that since I hit 217 this morning, my next "ten" ... is 210.  Which sort of takes my breath away.

My family is silly

As a sort of continuation of thoughts on yesterday's post, and because my brothers crack me up, here's an exchange from May when we were discussing exactly what we were eating.  It started with my comment that if I only ever stayed in my own house and never went anywhere else to eat, it was a lot easier to manage my calories.

Brothers are M1 and M2.  Sister is T.

M2:  Loseit doesn't care about the "health" of your diet. My first thought about Loseit was, "Cool, I can eat 1800 calories of twizzlers and lose weight." FYI (as if you don't know) you can select the "nutrition" option and it will collect data into some nutritional categories. Don't believe anything you read about timing of eating or carbs vs protein or anything else. When it comes to weight loss the only thing that counts is calories in and calories out. The other stuff only affects your health and well-being.

Basically - you are a bank account: you make deposits and withdrawls and the balance changes accordingly.

I suppose non-calore considerations could be considered the interest rate on your Loseit account. If you eat healthy, your rate of weight loss *may* go up by a small percentage.

Me:   You're funny. And I would like to eat 1800 calories of Twizzlers.

M1:  continuing this excellent analogy, some eating establishments are like lenders. They try to hide their calories or ultimate costs. McDonalds is Household Finance. Easy to get, short term gratifying, highly expensive long term. Getting money from a private equity firm is like going to a great restaurant that features really good but healthy fresh food. It takes longer, costs more up front, and keeps you very lean.

M2 is right, it is just the net. If you were raised by (our mom) you will not get the nutrition so messed up that you will hurt yourself. Additionally, you can't make yourself feel full without eating sort of right, or facing digestive challenges.


M2:  I do like the Asian Chicken salad at Panera since it is 400 something calories and takes a long time to eat and pretty much fills you up. And it tastes good.

T:  Ant, that would be 45 twizzlers - 15 at b-fast, lunch, and dinner.  M1 - next thing out of your mouth will be "i have to have something green. where is the salad?"


Me:  I love you crazy people.

August, 1991

This ----->>

... is because all blog entries are better with pictures.  That's my sis on the left and me on the right (high-waisted dress shorts FTW!) at one of my bridal showers :)

("why a pic of your bridal shower?" you ask.  Because we just celebrated our 21st anniversary last week, of course!)

((um ... my husband and I; not my sister and I.))