y'know the whole "tragic flaw" thing?

Don't use this blog entry to do your English Lit homework, kids.  I have no idea if my memory is correct or not!

One of the few things I remember from my lit classes is that the tragic flaw isn't always a wholly bad thing.  That is, it was a good quality or characteristic that "went bad" ... and thus became tragic.

Stubborn Dutch people (incl lil sis), circa 1988?

The other night I emailed my mom, sister, and brothers the stats I posted in my last blog entry, and my mom's reply was, "no surprise when my daughter is dedicated to something."  The light went on in my head that OHMYWORD my tragic flaw has finally been put to good use!

For years, I've been The Most Stubborn Child My Parents Had (I was also The Most Rebellious Child They Had, but that's another story), and my stubbornness has gotten me into more trouble than you can imagine.  My father is from the Dutch province of Friesland, and evidently, Frisian stubbornness is legendary, and I got ALL of my dad's stubbornness.  And then some.

So now I know:  the reason I have been able to stay dedicated and committed for the last year is because I am stubborn.

So really, all the drug companies need to do is to figure out how to make people stubborn and they can make piles of money.

stubborn Dutch people, August 1991

I got a follow-up email from my mom when I said something back to her about how my stubbornness was actually paying off.  I will cherish it forever.  She said, "Do you know that your dad always considered stubbornness (in himself) a positive quality?"  My dad died in 1998, and I did not know that.  And I'm so glad I do :)

Stubborn Dutch people, circa 1992

a whole lotta Stubborn Dutch People, November 1998

"Limping is still walking"

I can't remember if I blogged about it or just talked about it a lot (and clearly I'm too lazy to go back and check), but in the first half mile of the half marathon, we passed a (larger) girl walking with a pin on her backpack that said, "Limping is still walking".  It kind of choked me up!  As we pulled up next to her, I told her I liked her pin and she smiled.  Poor thing was walking by herself -- slowly -- but she was doing it!  I was so impressed!

A few days (or weeks or months) ago, this was in the SparkPeople email:

I don't know why this has been on my mind so much lately, but perhaps you need some encouragement and so I needed to post it.  Let me just tell you -- moving slowly is still moving.  Walking slowly is still moving.  Running slowly is still moving.  Lifting 2-pound weights is still moving.  Doing 10 situps is still moving.  Get it?  Do not be discouraged!  Here's something else I pinned to my "bodyspiration" board months ago:

Let me tell you:  THIS. IS. TRUE.  I used to huff and puff and sweat like a pig for 2 miles with my neighbor (and fear that I couldn't make it up the last teeny tiny uphill at the end before our street).  Now I regularly do 6 or more miles and run some.  And recently I went to my first Zumba class.  During the first 3 minutes, it occurred to me this is like 80s aerobics and I will probably die soon.  Imagine my surprise that although I did sweat like a pig, I didn't run out of air!  And I did the whole hour.  Shock.  That's the only word for it.

So be encouraged.  You too can be shocked by something you never thought was possible.  If you've already experienced it, tell me about it!  Maybe it's something as simple as:  one day you're sitting in a chair and you realize you can cross your legs.  And it's been YEARS since you did that.  YEARS.  And even though there's no elegant way to take a picture of your own legs crossed, you still do it because ohmyHEAD I CAN CROSS MY LEGS!

Yes, I really did walk a half marathon!

And I'd like to tell you about it :)

Warning:  this entry is long, picture-heavy, and may not be in complete sentences.

about to begin our epic adventure

So ... where to begin?

It was hard.
but not impossible.

Cheering Gramma and the Boyz

We set (and kept) such a good pace that my poor brother-in-law who had planned out all the cheering spots on the route, based on me telling him I did 15-minute miles ... totally missed us (but they were all there yelling at the end!).  I felt horrible that he'd worked so hard to get my mom and 3 squirrelly little boys to those spots on the map and then he felt bad for not meeting us and then Sharon made a good point:  if we were missing our cheerleaders because we were walking at such a fantastic pace, that was a pretty awesome thing.  Also, at least one of the boys thought one of us would win and/or break a record.  Love that.

There was a point at which I thought, "am I going to have to stop?"
and shortly after that I thought, "I'm just going to have to tell Sharon to go on ahead and I'll just finish it much more slowly."
I got a little bit choked up when I realized we were on the final incline into the stadium.
...and shortly after that we were done!

Yes, I'd do it again.
Although maybe not in cold, wet Seattle (but there's something to be said for sea-level).

obligatory fog shot

And in case I didn't make it clear in my "night before the marathon" post, let me be clear:  although my legs will never be shorter, losing all this weight has made a HUGE difference in how I feel about flying.  Seriously.  While not actually "comfortable", my flights to/from Seattle and again at Christmas to/from Vermont were totally new experiences for me.  Flying 50+ pounds lighter is just plain nothing like it was when I was heavy(ier).  Fitting into the seat and not spending the entire flight pushing down the armrest that my fat is pushing up makes the whole flight so pleasant!  And although I never used a seat belt extender, I'm pretty sure I was on the way to needing one.  Thankfully I will never experience that and even though my hips are still pretty wide, they now fit in the standard coach seat just fine, thankyouverymuch.  Amazing. 

Love this pic of my sis and her oldest

There's a picture at my sister's house I've always liked.  It's from when we lived in Turkey, and for some reason my sister (age 5?  6? no older) went jogging with my dad, who was the Chief of Police on base.  The pic was taken by an "official" photographer and I think ended up in the base newspaper or something.  When I saw this one of my sister her and her (oldest son) manchild, I got choked up because it reminded me of that other picture. I love their smiles here, I love that even though she told him to go on ahead without her he stayed with her, and I love the man he's becoming!



And here is my fabulous oldest niece.  Her foot hurt, and she had to slow down, but you'd never know it from this pic.  This is the happy, sunny girl I have known since ... hmmm ... since she was 4 months old at our wedding.  I love this beautiful, smart, funny, thoughtful girl so much!  I'm so, so glad she did this race with us!

And here we are, about to cross the finish line.  I realized later that all the stuff I had in my vest pockets made me look pregnant, but oh well. Those kinds of things don't actually bother me as much anymore.  Funny, that.  Also?  In all the official pictures of the race, my mouth is open.  I may or may not have talked Sharon's ear off.  Whoops.

Here is the whole squad at the end.  I  seriously love this shot. We did it!  We all did it! (sis is wearing a warming blanket -- that question has come up a lot)  See our medals?  They are surprisingly substantial-feeling.  And I wished I'd worn mine on the flight home.  Oh well.  Now I know.







And here are some of our cheerleaders and two of the runners, warming up ... in the warming room.  I have very cute nieces and nephews, no?






If you are considering walking or running a half marathon, I can recommend a great post-marathon routine:

• Go to the evening service at church.
• Try to stay awake.  It's HARD.  I'm not gonna lie.
• Have Chipotle for dinner (seriously, a burrito as big as your head is a GREAT way to begin to fill the huge hole in your gut that won't be satisfied).
• Followed by chocolate chip cookie dough.
• And a pedicure the next day.

chocolate chip cookie dough: post marathon win

• 
  

Or a lemon-basil martini the next.  I recommend all of the above :)

Just a shortie ...

I have been composing an epic half-marathon post in my head since Thanksgiving, and I really am planning on recapping it, but today is not that day.  Tomorrow probably won't be it either.

Instead I want to just drop a note, if you will, about 2 things that surprised and delighted me yesterday and today.

People who live in urban environments won't think much of the first thing, but it's a big deal for a (mostly former) fat girl who lives in the suburbs.  I had a very long list of errands to run yesterday, and of course started them later than I intended.  Basically, I'd waited until the last possible moment (not technically, but ...) to finish my Christmas shopping and take care of some things for the house, too.  So it's dark and the hubs is working, and I'm annoyed with myself for waiting so long, and I realize I can run about 4 of my errands from one central parking space.  Is that really possible?  Park at one store and hit 4?  Why yes, yes it was.  And although it was dark out, it wasn't too cold, so I actually enjoyed walking from one store to another (in opposite directions, even!).  AND ... because I'd chosen to walk, I was able to stop and take a picture of three women together (they were taking turns taking pics with just two of them in it) and count that as one of my #26acts! (Click here if you don't know what that is)  And then I moved the car and did the same thing all over again!  I realize if I lived in New York or Zurich, I'd have walked for all my errands, but completing tons of stops with only two parking spots was for me a very big deal.  I think I walked an extra 20 or more minutes yesterday because of it!  Bonus:  no road rage, wasted gas, fighting for parking spots, either.

Thing 2:  the hubs got up REALLY early this morning and it was pretty windy, so I got up too (that's not the thing).  I decided I'd go to the gym and be amazing.  Or at least, accomplish a workout.  So I got ready and went.  Sidenote:  my gym doesn't open until 7:00 on Sundays.

Anyway, I got on the elliptical trainer (once the doors were open) and got to work.  I'd been on about 15 minutes when I realized something that almost blew my mind.  #1, I found out when the "chubby girls" go to the gym -- they go at the crack of dawn!  I'm guessing so they can hide.  But #2 is this.  I WAS THE SMALLEST GIRL IN THE GYM!

Never in my life, even when I was working out 5 days a week before I got married (not to fit into a dress, but because my fiancee lived in Chicago and I was in Denver) have I been the smallest girl in the gym.  And it only lasted for about a half hour before a stick came in, but still.  That was a shocking, amazing, mind-blowing thing.

I realize that there isn't really anything deep about this entry in and of itself, but these are milestones in my life.  I'm not the girl who would look at extra walking as enjoyable and/or fun in any way.  And I'm certainly not the "small girl" at the gym.  Well, I'm not anyway, but you know what I'm saying.

I'll be back on the blogging bandwagon shortly, folks.  Thanks for reading.  And happy holidays, from my house to yours.

Changing sizes, changing seasons

I learned a valuable lesson this past week:  don't make fun of women who wear yoga pants, even if it's clear they haven't been doing yoga.  Why?  Because I almost wore yoga pants to the circus.  Why did I almost wear yoga pants to the circus (and more importantly, why did I GO to the circus?)?  I'll tell you.

First snow of 2012:  October 5

Regular readers (and anyone clicking on the history in the sidebar) will be able to figure out that I started losing weight over the summer (23 weeks ago today, in fact, is "how long I've been working at this").  In general, I don't wear long pants during the summer, so you can imagine my concern when we got snow on Friday morning.  Not that the weatherfolk hadn't been predicting it; they were surprisingly accurate about this one.  And just for the record, I LOVE SNOW!  But that's not the point.  So ... I got up that morning, I worked all day (have I mentioned I work from home?  I do.  That might be helpful to know), and then I got in the shower about 25 minutes before I was supposed to leave.  None of this should have been a problem except that when I got out of the shower, I realized there actually was a problem.  I have no pants that fit me for this weather!  Seriously, do I have a single pair of long jeans I can wear?  In about 10 seconds flat I pull on 4 different pair of jeans, none of which fit.  And I'm not just talking a little loose here - I mean full-on I cannot wear them in public!  That is, if I took a step, they'd fall down.  And every one of them could be pulled on and off without the aid of the zipper.  And I don't own any belts that fit me (I own plenty of belts that fit a smaller person).

Yes, yes, I know - file this under #firstworldproblems.

Nonetheless, I still can't go out in public like this!  So here is where "I almost wore yoga pants to the circus" comes in.  My friend Scotty wanted to go to the circus for her birthday.  So to the circus we were going.  Except I had no pants.  I'd already put 4 really cute jeans in the pile for the consignment shop and was seriously considering a pair of yoga pants that I knew were long enough AND wouldn't fall off when I saw a pair of jeans I had taken to NYC at the end of April.  Perhaps these would work?  Well, they were big too (and got more loose as the night went on), but they would work.  I pulled them on, added a baggy sweater, and ran down the stairs.  It's true someone could have easily pantsed me that night, but I learned a valuable lesson.  If yoga pants are all that fits, that might be what you wear out of the house.  And I, for one, shall not mock someone in them at the grocery store again.

Special note:  lest you think I am a clotheshorse loaded with thousands of pairs of jeans, please note that I have jeans in every shape and size of the clothing spectrum (well, every size of the "big girl" spectrum), and I just blew through a whole bunch of jeans I'd only worn once (some not at all!) on my way up to 250 and then back down.  *sigh* 

There's Truth, and then there's Driver's License Truth

In general, I'd guess that most people don't weigh what their driver's license says.  I am no exception to the average person's desire not to put his or her actual weight on that card.  Except ... I don't weigh more than  my license says; I WEIGH LESS!  Yeah, that's a first for sure.  Who EVER says they weigh more than they do?  (maybe wrestlers trying to fight up a class?  or down a class?  or whatever, but certainly no one normal)

I remember getting my very first driver's license.  I was in high school in Germany, and came back to the States for Driver's Ed.  It worked out well because the whole family came over for my oldest brother's wedding ... and then I lived with them (the summer?  a couple months?) while I took Driver's Ed and used my new SIL's car.  If you re-read the preceding sentences, you'll put 2 and 2 together and come up with:  yes, newlyweds let someone live with them IMMEDIATELY AFTER GETTING MARRIED.  Wow, that was nice of them.  I can't even imagine how they felt.  "Hey, how about our first summer of marriage, we have my sister live with us?"  If I'm my generous and long-suffering sister-in-law, I'm all:  "Um.  No."  But she didn't, and I did.  I'm pretty sure I still owe them a thank you card for that.

Anyway, it's possible that on that first (right turns only, no parallel parking requiremed test) North Dakota-issued Driver's License, my weight was correct.  It might have even been correct on the International Driver's License I got in Germany when I turned 16 that September.  But I'm pretty sure those were the last official documents that had the right weight on them.  Oh sure, it might have only been off by 5 or 10 pounds after that, but still; I'm fairly certain I never said my actual weight after that.  Does anyone?  And why does it matter?

Anyway, when I walk by myself, my husband insists that I take ID, so the other day I happened to glance down at my license, and I noticed ... that I passed it 5 pounds ago!  What a joke!  My whole (quasi-grown-up) life, I've been saying I weighed less than I did, and now my license says I weigh 5 pounds more!  Ha.

The thing that makes me go "hmmm ..." the most?  To think back to when when I thought "215" was a good thing to say. 

Pics ... not quite ready for Pinterest

Yesterday, I stumbled on a weight loss blog (Jen's Journey) that had some really impressive before & after pictures.  I skimmed and read for quite a while, and I realized that I really like seeing pictures of people in their blogs!  The other thing I realized was that although she has a good set of "before & afters", and lots of current pics of her darling self, I didn't see (or didn't go back far enough maybe?) very many in-the-middle-of-it pics.  So I apologize in advance if you don't really prefer that many pics in your blogs, but I'm probably going to be doing more :)

And so I present to you something I did with an oversized tank-top yesterday (the orange one I have on in yesterday's post, and again this morning:  The "fashion an oversized (and frankly obscene) tank top into a racerback" DIY project:

I don't know about you, but I have quite a few (more than I was aware of, actually) big tank tops.  Ironic that they're called tank tops, actually, because these were designed for tanks, I think.  Anyway, some of them were big even before I started losing weight (you know that whole "camouflage your weight with baggy, loose clothing" thing?), so big that I often wore them backwards so they weren't inappropriate for wearing in public.  But my neighbor keeps asking me why I don't wear a tank top to walk in (it's so VERY. VERY. hot here lately), and yesterday I pulled one out of a pile and thought I'd try this tie thing.  It worked great!  Sadly, the new sports bras I bought aren't racerback (see pic), but I don't really care.  I'm so happy I can wear the tanks and not be indecent that I thought I'd show you my "re-fashion".  No -- you probably won't see this on Pinterest any time soon, but it worked for me!

In other clothing news, I found a pair of underwear that are too big to wear anymore.  That's a first, and one I'd been wondering if it would ever happen!

Twenty*Veinte*Twintig*Zwanzig*Dwadzieścia*Twenty

WOO HOO!  I AM TWENTY POUNDS LIGHTER!  Tuesday was a very exciting day.  I was finally down 20 whole pounds.  W00T!  I also used my grocery backpack, AND I met friends for tea in a sleeveless shirt.  These are things I never would have done at 250.

So to start, have I mentioned that my brothers are both on loseit.com?  They are :)  One of them got so excited about me being able to walk to my grocery store that he ordered a grocery backpack for me.  LOL.  Tuesday morning, I used it.   The right-hand pics are before I left the house, so it's empty.  In the one where I'm pointing to the Safeway sign, it's serving a purpose.  I bought two boxes of Puffs Plus and a large container of peanuts.  That's in the top "dry goods" section.  In the "thermal" compartment are the doughnuts my neighbor bought to take back home :)  (don't tell my brother that's what was in there)

So that was fun, and yay! I can buy groceries and packhorse them home (yeah, I verbed it).

But the real big news of the day for me was the big Two Oh!  I am down 20 pounds.  And since my sister said to take a pic every 10 pounds, here it is.  Ironically, I think my face looks rounder in this shot than the 239.5 pic below, but whatevs.

Also?  I actually went out in public in a sleeveless top (<-- this one).  I honestly don't remember the last time I did that.  Maybe 15 years ago?  It certainly wasn't recently.  It helped that it was a gazillion degrees out, I suppose.

So there you have it - a milestone post.  Yay!

Of course, I have never wanted to weigh 229 so much in my life.  What an odd desire :)

Firsts

We all know someone annoying who just loves to work out.  They just GOTTA go for a run, or they NEED to get to the gym, or they feel SO much better after yoga.  Whatevs.  Listen, people - nobody likes you.

Well ... today I became one of those people!  I've been walking with my neighbor in the mornings, around 6:45 - 7:00, and we go for an hour.  I'm kind of impressed with us, actually.  However, at the slightest provocation or with the lamest excuse, we are both willing -- in a heartbeat -- to skip a day.  If one of us can't go, the other never complains about it and just "takes a day off".  Ironic, innit, that I've been "taking days off" for about 20 years, but am willing to do it at the drop of a hat even when I'm finally making progress...

Anyway, today she texted me that she couldn't go because she had too many things to do before work.  I replied immediately, "that's ok - I can totally take a day off."  And then I thought about it for the next several hours.  I even put on regular clothes, but the whole morning I was thinking, "I'd like to go for a walk."  WHAT?!  Who said that?  That's right.  I did! (believe me:  I'm as shocked as you are)  So I finally changed my clothes and went.  I did a short walk -- just a half hour -- but I was so glad I went!  It felt good and I felt good about having gone.

Let me be clear, lest you think I've lost my mind.  It didn't really feel good.  My faux shin splints still kind of hurt, my new shoes push into one of my toe knuckles, I sweat like a pig, the back of my throat was dry, and my neck hurt a little bit.  But still!  I wanted to go, and I went.

Here's what I'm looking forward to, and why it's worth it to keep walking.  I took this pic in Summit County a couple of years ago when we were camping.  This weekend, I'm going up there again, to Breckenridge with some friends.  And we're going to take an easy hike.  I want to walk with them!  And that's it.  For now.

So there you have it:  I'm officially a weirdo.  Yay me :)